Sunday, July 22, 2012

Single bucket list..

Being single...
can  at moments feel so OLD..
and at moments feel so FRESH..
and at moments feel so RIGHT..
and at other moments,
so NOT!

I have learned to be content,
but sometimes I get distracted!
I begin to feel hope..
or look forward;
and forget to enjoy the moment
I am in now!

And so,
I was talking with another single friend
and I suggested
a 'single bucket list!'.
Not life time goals,
but rather
things I want to learn
in THIS season of my life...
things like salsa dancing,
or cooking classes..
or maybe sky diving..
(or not!)
shooting a gun,
or maybe rock climbing.

The sky is the limit..
the purpose is not about
accomplishing things
I have always dreamed..
but rather??
learning how to live for the moment,
and enjoy where I am..
in this season of time!

And so..
I shall begin...
starting today!
to live for NOW..
to enjoy where I AM!
No more! No less!

single bucket list..
still to come!:)

Saturday, July 7, 2012

comfortable to just be...

Dating is a tough thing
for any single person.
Add kids,
Add past hurt,
Add working to provide..
and it becomes seemingly impossible.

In my case..
I have ventured out!
Taken some chances.
Gone on several dates.
Explored some possibilities..
and have come to a place of;
wait and see.

There was a time
I felt the need to push..
to put myself out there.
To say yes to a date because.. you never know..

I wondered if I would ever meet a man
that would not only make my heart skip..
but I would have the same effect on his.
It always seemed one or the other.

I fluctuated between lonely, content, restless and at peace.
The seasons of singleness.

And then..
I realized-
My life is full!
I have friends that love me..
family that adores me...
a job that fulfills me..
children that inspire me.

And so..
content in where I am...
I have a choice:
worry, wish, wonder..
take each day as it comes,
accepting each situation
as it happens...

'open to the possibilities'
simply means
content exactly where I am!

Wednesday, July 4, 2012

The Pain Map

I debated putting this post on my old blog
because in some ways
its a 'single' mom
heart issue..
but in other ways,
its so much more!

My middle child has migraines.
When we were called about her MRI
the nurse said there is a "pain MAP or PATH" in the brain!
When a headache comes on,
it knows the path to follow.
after a while..
there is no build up-
the pain just hits
in all its glory!

I have thought about this
'pain map' ever since!
I believe that our heart has this too!
I believe that when your heart
was once broken,
even after is heals-
it remembers the path that pain followed-
and when something else threatens it:
we get our feelings hurt,
we take a risk and get burned,
we hope only to face disappointment...
there is no longer a slow build up of pain-
instead the ache that hits
can take you to your knees.
The heart remembers-
it feels,
and the pain follows the map
it has read before.

I am watching a friend,
who has been devastated in ways
no parent should know!
The loss of her beautiful son
just 7 months ago..
facing brain surgery with her 13 month old
this week...
and I imagine her heart must feel broken
all of the time.
Her pain map
never having time
to fold itself up,
and put itself away!!

I grieve for her!
and as I grieve..
my heart remembers the path
it followed to brokenness..
and it breaks just a bit at a time;
all over again!