Single bucket list..

Being single...
can  at moments feel so OLD..
and at moments feel so FRESH..
and at moments feel so RIGHT..
and at other moments,
so NOT!

I have learned to be content,
but sometimes I get distracted!
I begin to feel hope..
or look forward;
and forget to enjoy the moment
I am in now!

And so,
I was talking with another single friend
and I suggested
a 'single bucket list!'.
Not life time goals,
but rather
things I want to learn
in THIS season of my life...
things like salsa dancing,
or cooking classes..
or maybe sky diving..
(or not!)
shooting a gun,
or maybe rock climbing.

The sky is the limit..
the purpose is not about
accomplishing things
I have always dreamed..
but rather??
learning how to live for the moment,
and enjoy where I am..
in this season of time!

And so..
I shall begin...
starting today!
remembering
to live for NOW..
remembering
to enjoy where I AM!
No more! No less!

single bucket list..
still to come!:)

comfortable to just be...

Dating is a tough thing
for any single person.
Add kids,
Add past hurt,
Add working to provide..
and it becomes seemingly impossible.

In my case..
I have ventured out!
Taken some chances.
Gone on several dates.
Explored some possibilities..
and have come to a place of;
wait and see.

There was a time
I felt the need to push..
to put myself out there.
To say yes to a date because.. you never know..

I wondered if I would ever meet a man
that would not only make my heart skip..
but I would have the same effect on his.
It always seemed one or the other.

I fluctuated between lonely, content, restless and at peace.
The seasons of singleness.

And then..
I realized-
My life is full!
I have friends that love me..
family that adores me...
a job that fulfills me..
children that inspire me.

And so..
content in where I am...
I have a choice:
worry, wish, wonder..
or
take each day as it comes,
accepting each situation
as it happens...

'open to the possibilities'
simply means
content exactly where I am!

The Pain Map

I debated putting this post on my old blog
www.singlemominacomplicatedworld.blogspot.com
because in some ways
its a 'single' mom
heart issue..
but in other ways,
its so much more!

My middle child has migraines.
When we were called about her MRI
the nurse said there is a "pain MAP or PATH" in the brain!
When a headache comes on,
it knows the path to follow.
after a while..
there is no build up-
the pain just hits
in all its glory!

I have thought about this
'pain map' ever since!
I believe that our heart has this too!
I believe that when your heart
was once broken,
even after is heals-
it remembers the path that pain followed-
and when something else threatens it:
we get our feelings hurt,
we take a risk and get burned,
we hope only to face disappointment...
there is no longer a slow build up of pain-
instead the ache that hits
can take you to your knees.
The heart remembers-
it feels,
and the pain follows the map
it has read before.

I am watching a friend,
who has been devastated in ways
no parent should know!
The loss of her beautiful son
just 7 months ago..
facing brain surgery with her 13 month old
this week...
and I imagine her heart must feel broken
all of the time.
Her pain map
never having time
to fold itself up,
and put itself away!!

I grieve for her!
and as I grieve..
my heart remembers the path
it followed to brokenness..
and it breaks just a bit at a time;
all over again!