Define me...

I realized recently
that I am no longer defined
by being divorced.

I was..
for a while...
I hated when people
asked-
'was I married'...
'what did my husband do'..
In social settings;
I knew it was coming!
Going into places was hard,
I felt the desire to tell everyone
why I was divorced,
who I used to be!!
I felt defensive..
I felt discarded.....

And then..
I defined myself by being single.
I noticed wedding rings,
and couples!
I was aware of my freedom
and also my aloneness...

And now....
I am defined by who I am!
Not my state of being.
I have friends in my life
who have known me through
each stage..
and friends in my life,
who have only known me
in my 'unmarried' state.
I rarely bump into people any more,
who knew me then...
and who ask because they did not know!
and when I meet people
and the subject comes up,
I am OK with it!
I am divorced!
I am single!
I am just me.
A single, working, busy, children raising, Woman!

It has taken time..
there have been many bumps!
But, I am in a place
that made MOST of the bumps..
worth while...:-)

The taste of HOPE

Hope has a taste..
it has a smell..
it has a sound...
it has an emotion...

HOPE is the moment
you realize
that MAYBE just maybe
you might have a future..
a chance..

Hope is NOT about a person..

it happens when you,
and you alone,
realize
that you, and you alone,
are OK..
but that you are also
ready
to not always be you, and you alone!

Hope is the moment
you taste
and smell
and hear
and feel...
the prompting that says
"its out there..actually out there"..

HOPE is NOT about falling in love..
or meeting someone...
Hope is not about what is...
hope is about what might be.

Hope is the unknown..
when the unknown stops
looking so dark!
Hope..
is in whats waiting.

accepting the inevitable

so I admit..
I get tired!
I get tired of doing it all..
I get tired of not having someone
else to pick up where I leave off..
I get tired of nights alone,
and checking my oil,
and mowing my yard.
I get tired...

But,
then I accept!
I accept that a lot rests on my shoulders...
but, a lot has been gained
by my independence.

I decide
to face the stress!!
Manage it..
let it swallow me in moments,
and then dig my way out!

I let go...
I do what I can!
I delegate what I should!
I ask where I must!
and I move on!


Some weeks are frustrating,
and some weeks are liberating!
Some weeks are maddening,
and some weeks full of hope.
Some weeks are disappointing,
and some weeks are exciting!!
and some weeks???
all of the above!!


But, each moment
and week..
needs to be accepted!
owned,
and learned from...
and then;
the next moment has a chance
to begin!

Learning to Let go

One of the first steps
in becoming
comfortable with 'me'..
was letting go
of what I expected,
anticipated...
and even
dreamed!

Its letting go
of ideals
and being comfortable
with reality!

As a mom,
its accepting
what I can do!
And forgiving myself
for the things
I cannot!

As a friend,
its being there
as much as possible..
but knowing my boundaries,
and accepting
that I will sometimes
fail.

As a sister and daughter,
its being true to me
and true to the legacy
I was raised with!
Its being loyal
and loving deeply..
and its accepting
that I will sometimes
disappoint!

And as woman..
its striving always to do better!
Working to be more,
learn more,
become more...
but sometimes
accepting
that in this moment-
this is the most
I can manage!
This is the best I can be!
Tomorrow,
may be different...
but today
I accept where I am;
and let go
of where I thought I would be
instead!

Single..but more!

For the last 3 years
I have blogged the journey
of being single..

and suddenly
I came to understand,
that I have come to
be so much more!

I am single!
Sure!
but, I am also
so comfortable
being me!
I am learning
how to be true
to myself!
and how to live
with purpose!
NOT because I am single..
but because I am
ME!

and so...
this blog is going
in a different direction!
The journey
of 'just' learning
to be
JUST me!